Dem Remy Bones
by newbienovelistRD
Summary: Miranda's idea to thank Chef Remy Bones gets quite out of hand.


**I was inspired to do this story after hearing the Alvin and the Chipmunks version of 'Dem Bones' from the movie 'Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet Frankenstein.'**

 **Enjoy and no flames please!**

* * *

It was a bright and sunny day in Pennsylvania. It wasn't the kind of gloom and doom weather that a vampire likes, but Vampirina and her friends Poppy and Bridget were playing in the backyard with their musical instruments.

"Has anyone seen Gregoria?" Vee asked.

Poppy looked around. "Not sure."

"Over here!" said Gregoria's voice. "And I brought a friend!"

The girls looked over and saw their gargoyle friend walking with Vampirina's human babysitter Miranda.

"Hey, girls! You don't mind if I drop in for a visit, do you?"

"Not at all!" said Vampirina. She saw Miranda muching on a sweet looking treat. "Whatcha got there?"

"It's Chef Remy Bones' new recipe. Chocolate covered bones." Miranda said before taking a big bite.

"Bones?!" Bridget yelped. "You're eating bones?!"

"It's okay, Bridget. They taste like pretzels." Miranda replied. "See, I told Chef about chocolate covered pretzels and he decided to make his own version on it." She took another bite. "I give him an A plus!"

"Chef Remy has been doing a lot of cooking lately." Vampirina said.

"Yeah! He works himself to the bone!" Demi laughed Omar husband own joke. No one else laughed.

"Y'know, we ought to do something nice for him." Miranda suggested. "But what?"

"How about new cooking tools?" said Gregoria.

Miranda shook her head. "Nah, those are too expensive."

"There must be something we can do." Vee unconsciously strummed her spookulele, thinking of an idea.

"Vee! That's it!" said Miranda. "We'll play a song for him!"

"That's a great idea, Miranda!" Vee and the others agreed. "What song should we sing for him? The Coffin Creeper?"

"The Transylvania Tango?" Demi suggested.

"The Graveyard Shuffle?" Gregoria said.

Miranda snapped her fingers. "I know! How about Dem Bones?"

"Yeah!" Poppy and Bridget said.

But Vee, Demi, and Gregoria looked confused.

"Um, Dem what now?" asked Demi.

"You know! The old bone song?"

"Never heard of it." Vee said. "Is it a human song?"

"Yeah, Vee! Dem Bones! It's a song about how the human skeleton is put together! Give me a beat, Poppy!"

Poppy played the beat on her drums and Bridget added melody with her guitar. Miranda began singing the song.

 _"This is how you connect dem dry bones,_

 _This is how you connect dem dry bones,_

 _This is how you connect them dry bones,_

 _Let's all sing along!_

 _The foot bone's connected to the ankle bone,_

 _The ankle bone's connected to the leg bone,_

 _The leg bone's connected to the knee bone,_

 _Let's all sing along!_

 _The knee bone's connected to the thigh bone,_

 _The thigh bone's connected to the hip bone,_

 _The hip bone's connected to the back bone,_

 _Let's all sing along!"_

Vampirina and her monster friends were digging this song already! They danced along as Miranda, Poppy and Bridget sang together.

 _"Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around!_

 _Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around!_

 _Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around!_

 _Just like Remy Bones!"_

The back door opened and Chef Remy Bones himself came outside with a plate of chocolate covered bones. "Hello, everyone! I've brought you some-" But when the skeleton heard the music that was playing, he gasped and dropped everything as his body began dancing around on it's own!

 _"The back bone's connected to the shoulder bone,_

 _The shoulder bone's connected to the neck bone,_

 _The neck bone's connected to the head bone!"_

"STOP! PLEASE! STOP SINGING!" Remy screamed as he kept dancing.

Everyone stopped. Once the song ended, the skeleton stopped dancing.

"Chef Remy! What's wrong?!" Vee asked.

Remy panted, relieved the song stopped. "Do not sing that song in front of me! The bone song makes a skeleton dance uncontrollably!"

"So you flip out and start dancing all over the place?!" asked Bridget.

"Correct! And I can't stop until the song is over!" Remy shivered, making a pleasant rattling sound. "One time, I was serving dinner for the Spooksters Union when they played that song! I ended up spilling their dishes all over the council! It was the most disgraceful day of my afterlife! That incident still haunts me! In a bad way!"

"I'm sorry, Remy." Miranda said. "We were going to sing a song to thank you for all your hard work."

Remy put a bony hand on Miranda's shoulder. "It's alright, Miranda." He smiled. "That was a very sweet gesture, but it's always the thought that counts."

"But you still deserve something, Chef!" Vampirina said.

"No, no, Vampirina." Remy shook his skull. "Making you happy with my excellent cuisine is reward enough!"

Miranda licked her lips. "Which reminds me, I'm gonna grab a drink. Those chocolate covered bones really dry up the throat. BRB!"

* * *

In the kitchen, Miranda was getting a glass of milk when she heard the sweet bark of Wolfie.

"Oh! Hello, Wolfie!" Miranda scratched the cute little dog behind the ears. "You want a drink, boy?"

Wolfie barked happily.

Miranda chuckled and poured a saucer of milk for Wolfie. Then turned her attention to her glass of milk.

"AAARRRROOOOOOOOO!"

Miranda almost choked on her milk. She wiped her milk mustache. "Man, Wolfie! You must really love milk-"

Miranda turned around and looked down, then she looked up.

Standing in front of Miranda was a giant wolf-like creature, towering over Miranda. He opened his mouth to reveal a drooling maw full of awful teeth!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH MONSTER!" Miranda shrieked. She burst out of the house as the large hairy creature chased after her all over the backyard.

"HELP! MONSTER! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Miranda screamed, trying get away from Were-Wolfie.

"SACRE BLEUUUUU!" Remy tried to get out of but the way, but Wolfie ran into the skeleton. His bones scattered in very direction!

Miranda hid behind Vampirina. "Vee! We've got to get out of here! A giant, hairy monster is after me! It ate Wolfie!"

"Miranda! That monster is Wolfie!" Vee said.

"What?! That thing...is Wolfie?!"

Vee nodded. "Yeah! He turns into a big, scary werewolf whenever there's a full moon or he gets into milk!"

Miranda blinked. "Ohhhhhh..."

"Let me guess. You gave him milk, didn't you?" said Gregoria.

Miranda nodded.

"Excusez moi."

The girls turned to see Remy Bones in pieces on the ground. "A little help here?"

"Oh, nuts!" Miranda picked up Remy's skull. "I'm so sorry, Remy! This is all my fault!"

"It's fine, Miranda. But we must get my bones together!"

"But how?!" Bridget looked around. "They're everywhere! And then there's Were-Wolfie prowling around! He could get out and run all over Pennsylvania if we don't stop him fast!"

"This is all my fault! I've got to make this right!" Miranda said with determination.

"Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Remy started laughing.

"Its not funny, Chef! I'm being serious!" Miranda chided.

"Ihihit's not that!" Remy cackled. "Wolfie is tihihickling my foot bone! He's licking it! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Vampirina saw Were-Wolfie licking Remy's foot. "We've got to get Wolfie back to normal!"

The werewolf's ears perked up. He grabbed Remy's leg and ran back in the house.

"This is all my fault!" Miranda said. "I've got to make this right! Vee! You, Poppy and Bridget get Remy back together! I'll get that leg bone back!"

"How are you going to do that?!" Demi asked.

"I don't know! I'll figure something out!" Miranda went back into the house to find Wolfie.

* * *

Inside the house, Miranda tried to find Wolfie. "Where is he?"

"AAARRRROOOOOOOOOOO!"

Miranda squeaked and her knees buckled. "What am I thinking?! I can't go after a werewolf!" She shook her head. "No! No! No! Don't get scared! It's just little Wolfie!" She gulped. "Well, he's not little anymore...no! Don't be scared! He's just a big dog, he's just a big dog, he's just a big-"

Were-Wolfie jumped out with Remy's leg in his maw, his drool dripped on Miranda's head.

"Werewolf!" Miranda squeaked. She reached for the leg bone. "Uh, n-n-nice Wolfie...good Wolfie...please don't eat me, Wolfie..."

"ARF!" Were-Wolfie barked very loudly.

"AAAAIIEEEEEE!" Miranda screamed and ran back outside.

"What happened?!" asked Poppy. "Did you get Remy's leg back?"

"No! I chickened out!"

Gregoria rolled her eyes. "Some battle plan..."

Miranda frowned. "Anyway, how's Remy coming along?"

"Not so good." Demi said, trying to put Remy's other leg where his arm should go. "How did that song go again? The leg bone's connected to the knee bone, the hip bone's connected to the...trombone?"

Remy panicked when his bones started to move. "NO! Don't sing that-"

"Wait a minute!" Miranda said. "The foot bone's connected to the ankle bone, the ankle bone's connected to the leg bone..."

As she sang, Remy's bones were moving and coming towards his skull.

"That's it! Dem Bones not only makes a skeleton dance, it also puts a skeleton together too! Girls! Get your instruments and sing along!"

Vampirina, Poppy, and Bridget got their instruments and started playing. And Miranda began singing.

 _"This is how you connect dem dry bones,_

 _This is how you connect dem dry bones,_

 _This is how you connect them dry bones,_

 _Let's all sing along!_

 _The foot bone's connected to the ankle bone,_

 _The ankle bone's connected to the leg bone,_

 _The leg bone's connected to the knee bone,_

 _Let's all sing along!_

 _The knee bone's connected to the thigh bone,_

 _The thigh bone's connected to the hip bone,_

 _The hip bone's connected to the back bone,_

 _Let's all sing along!_

 _Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around!_

 _Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around!_

 _Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around!_

 _Just like Remy Bones!"_

Miranda's plan was working! Remy's bones were coming together all by themselves!

 _"The back bone's connected to the shoulder bone,_

 _The shoulder bone's connected to the neck bone,_

 _The neck bone's connected to the head bone!_

 _And that's all the bones there are!"_

The back door opened. Were-Wolfie was being pulled by Remy's leg bone as it was returning to Remy.

Remy was put back together, but the girls kept playing and Remy happily danced along! Even Were-Wolfie was dancing around!

 _"Disconnect dem bones, dem dry bones!_

 _Disconnect dem bones, dem dry bones!_

 _Disconnect dem bones, dem dry bones!_

 _Let's all sing along!_

 _The head bone's connected to the neck bone,_

 _The neck bone's connected to the shoulder bone,_

 _The shoulder bone's connected to the back bone,_

 _The back bone's connected to the hip bone,_

 _The hip bone's connected to the thigh bone,_

 _The thigh bone's connected to the knee bone,_

 _The knee bone's connected to the leg bone,_

 _The leg bone's connected to the ankle bone,_

 _The ankle bone's connected to the foot bone,_

 _Dem bones, dem bones,_

 _Dem bones, dem bones,_

 _Let's all sing along!_

 _And that's the end of our song!_

 _And that's the end of our song!_

 _Yeah!"_

The song was over and eveyone cheered!

"Magnifique! You did it! I'm all one piece again! Merci, Miranda!" Remy did a little tap dance. "And I have to admit, that is a catchy song!"

"ARROOOO!" Were-Wolfie howled in agreement. Miranda screamed when the beastly dog came closer.

With her back to the fence, Miranda was cornered. She whimpered in fear.

Wolfie sniffed Miranda, then gave the girl a big lick on her face.

"AAAH! Wolfie's tasting me!" Miranda squeaked.

Vee laughed. "Relax, Miranda. Wolfie may look scary, but he's still Wolfie!"

Wolfie emphasized this by licking Miranda's face more. Miranda giggled when Wolfie's licking started to tickle. "Heeheeheeheeheehee! Okay! Okay! Good boy, Wolfie! Hahahahahahahahaha! Down, boy!"

Barking happily, Wolfie laid down on his back and Miranda scratched his tummy. "You're right! It is still Wolfie!" She giggled. "Just bigger and hairier!"

"And he's the best dog ever!" Vee said, hugging her beloved pet.

"He sure is." Remy said, stroking Wolfie's head. "Aside from him licking my bones all the time."

"Nobody's perfect, Remy." Miranda said. "But it doesn't matter. Because we're friends and we always have each other's backs. That's what really counts."

Wolfie happily licked Miranda, covering her face in werewolf drool. Everyone laughed, including Miranda.

Just another fun-filled day at the Hauntley household.


End file.
